Family separation or divorce negatively affects the family, especially the children. It interferes with their sense of basic security, even when they don’t immediately show symptoms. This change in family structure is challenging and often not realized until one of the parents moves out of the house.
When a married couple wants to divorce, they need to develop a plan for how they’ll spend time with their children separately and make custodial arrangements. Luckily, the courts of law can help them take the necessary steps and find a solution where both parties can meet halfway. With established laws, this process gets easier.
For instance, the law in states like California requires parents to attend mediation if they fail to agree on custody or parenting time. Mediation is a process in which parents spend time with a specially trained professional (neutral court mediator) who’ll listen to their concerns and help them develop a parenting plan that meets the needs of their family. Apart from working out their parenting arrangements, mediation also allows the parents to work out their custody.
To gain more insight on this topic, here’s a basic guide to family court mediation:
- Intake Or Assessment
The first step in the family court mediation process is assessment, or intake, where you can converse with your mediator in a confidential or private conversation. In this step, the mediator provides each party (parents) with detailed information about what happens in the mediation process and other details like the following:
- Expected costs
- The one responsible for making decisions
- A summary of what the process is in a nutshell
- Types of agreements to be reached
- Choosing a support person
- Referrals to other services
Once the mediator has summarized the entire process, they aim to confirm whether the mediation suits both parties. Additionally, they allow the individuals to ask any queries or clarifications on matters like how a specific issues order can help.
The other thing that mediators want to know is if both parties should hold meetings in family court. And since assessment happens separately for the parties involved, the mediator concludes based on each parent’s response. Other questions that the mediator might ask include the following:
- The history of the marriage or relationship
- The well-being and safety of the children
- The property pool
- If there’s any history of violence or restraining order
- Willingness to participate in the presence of the other party
- The expectations of both parents
The professional asks many other questions to provide background for the mediation process. Once they’re done, they write a report on areas where they have agreed and give recommendations for matters they haven’t agreed on.
- The Mediation Process Begins With Both Parents Present
The next step in family court mediation is meeting parents and the court mediator. Often when parents have this first session together, they’re pessimistic, have a lot of anxiety, and are mostly unable to focus like they would in everyday circumstances.
One of the main reasons they go for court mediation is because they’re not on speaking terms; hence, they need someone else to intervene. And since most mediators are trained professionals in fields like psychology, social work, marriage, and child counseling, they allow the parties to express their emotions because they understand having these feelings is human.
Once the expert has listened to them, they advise them accordingly on different matters and tell them to go and try talking to make the mediation process easier and faster.
Besides that, they shed light on matters relative to child custody like the following:
- That they can have joint legal custody where they share decision-making for their children, for example, schools and where the kids will live
- The existence of sole legal custody where one parent makes the decisions alone
- The other type of custody – joint physical custody, where children live with each parent for a significant amount of time which is often viewed as 50/50
- The sole physical custody option means a child lives with one parent and spends less time with the other.
If they agree at the end of it all, then they can have joint custody. This option is viable if the parents have an amicable separation and no criminal or physical violence history.
- The Parents Try Figuring Out The Best Parenting Plan
During the mediation process, the professional allows the parents to consider all options and develop the best plan out of their schedules to custom fit their kids’ needs. The focus isn’t on the rights of either party but on what’s best for the children. The mediator should ensure that they do the following while the process is ongoing:
- Keep things fair
- Remain impartial
- Support the efforts of both parties
Apart from the above mediation goals, experts also focus on reducing the bitterness and hatred between parents so that the kids don’t suffer.
Certain issues may arise as the mediator helps the parents develop detailed schedules for spending time with the kids. For example, one parent may be looking to move away to another location with the kids.
In this case, it’s the mandate of the judge to grant or deny such a request. And regardless of the judge’s decision, the other party has to plan their schedule to see their children, whether they’re far away or nearby.
- What Happens When Handling Exceptional Cases
Usually, both parents meet for mediation; however, certain exceptional cases may not allow them to meet in one sitting. They may include the following:
- History of violence
- A restraining order has been issued
- One parent doesn’t feel safe meeting with the other party
In such situations, the mediator will conduct different sessions at separate times because they take all the above issues seriously. Since they’ve already had an intake process, the mediator is already aware and thus handles the mediation differently from other cases.
In the parenting plan, the mediators ensure they talk about how safety is critical. Thus, they advise the parties on parenting the kids while prioritizing their well-being. For instance, they can exchange the children with a third party.
Also, the mediators advise these parents on interventions and things they can do to support their kids, especially if they’ve witnessed violence at home. Moreover, since the mediators are trained and well-versed, they can inform parents about what they can do to move forward from their situation
- The Agreement Stage
If the parents reach an agreement, depending on the court, the judge will have a look at it and approve or disapprove it. If they support the agreement, you’ll have a court order and be ready. Conversely, when it’s not the mediator’s responsibility to make recommendations, parents report the issues to the court when they fail to agree. In this case, the judge will decide on behalf of both of you.
Conclusion
Mediation allows parents to discuss their children’s needs, develop a parenting plan, and address legal and physical custody. The goal is to help the parents reach an agreement because they have the most information, investment, and emotions.
It’s essential to know that different courts handle mediation cases differently. In some cases, mediators can recommend; in others, that’s the judge’s responsibility. Thus, you need to know how the court of your choice handles the mediation process as you strive to obtain custody of your children.
