When it comes to decisions that are about parenting styles, courts are slow to wade in unless it really is in the child’s best interests to do so.
One of the hardest elements of co-parenting truly can be trusting the other parent to make good choices, and acknowledging that there are other ways to parent; just because someone does it differently doesn’t make it wrong. This can be challenging for those parenting together as well as apart – there is a vast array of reasonable and acceptable parenting styles, and more often than not, two parents won’t be in the same place on that spectrum. It can also be difficult for children faced with inconsistency or polar opposite styles of parenting between their two homes. I recently overheard a mum walking her child home from school saying ‘No, you know you are not allowed make up at my house. Your Dad can do what he wants at his place, and he might let you have make up, but you can’t have it with me.’
Agreeing to disagree
When parents separate, their parenting differences can be exacerbated, and something that used to get an eye roll or a sigh gets blown out of proportion, and is the subject of heated debate and anxiety. Actively, intently and, ideally, compassionately communicating with each other about how you are going to co-parent is such an important part of minimising the impact of your separation on your children. And aside from the major issues like medical, educational and religious decisions, there are a lot of parenting decisions in daily life on which to differ: bedtimes, boundaries, phones, screen time, independence, clothing/make up/jewellery.
Another area that some parents disagree over is how much of the children’s lives should be shared on social media. Should they be ‘sharenting’ – a term used to describe sharing parenting moments online?
Separating couples must not share or post information about court proceedings – those are strictly confidential, and the same applies to those who are in mediation. However, when it comes to posting pictures of their children’s birthday parties, sporting achievements, latest favourite food, some parents want to share everything and others think that privacy is paramount, and that the child’s digital footprint should be treated with caution.
So, how do those parents agree a way forward? When parents have strong opposing views about a certain issue such as social media and cannot reach a compromise, then they may make an application to court to stop certain actions – effectively fettering the parental responsibility of the other parent. The court will consider all the evidence and make a decision based on the welfare of the children involved.
Getting political
Politics is another potentially divisive subject. In 2015, there was a case (Re A and B (Prohibited Steps order at Dispute Resolution Appointment) [2015] EWFC B16) which involved a mother applying to stop her children’s father from taking them leafleting for his political party. She succeeded, but the father successfully appealed that decision. The appeal court was clear that a restriction on the exercise of parental responsibility invokes the Article 8 Human Rights of the father to organise his family life without interference from the court. Any invasion of that right must be necessary and proportionate. The appeal court sent the case back to be heard again, applying the correct test. So, while the welfare of the children is the court’s ‘paramount consideration’, the human rights of the parents must not be overlooked.
On the ground
Knowing how the court approaches differences of opinions on parenting can be an important part of trying to reach agreement outside of court. When you are not sure how to reach a compromise, it can be helpful to try to consider how an objective third party (ultimately a judge) would decide it. However, often it is not the specific decision that is significant, but learning strategies to understand and communicate with each other better, and an acceptance it is usually OK to have different parenting styles, whilst being mindful that some level of consistency is usually beneficial for children.
For further information, please contact:
Jennifer Dickson, Partner, Withersworldwide
jennifer.dickson@withersworldwide.com
